Alive
by BlackUnicorn27
Summary: This story follows Tamsin and her feelings for Bo and how she deals with them throughout season 3. Valkubus.


_**Disclaimer: Lost Girl and it's wonderful characters don't belong to me. **_

**AN: Hello, you people! This is my first Lost Girl fanfiction. I have wanted to write one for so long now and I am glad I finally came around and did it! This story follows Tamsin's thoughts from her first kiss with Bo to the season 3 finale. It completely ignores the stuff that we saw in season 4 and the ending of season 3. I hope you like the story and have fun reading!**

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The first time Tamsin had kissed Bo they were under the influence of a parasite that reverted them back to teenagers. They were playing spin the bottle and Dyson had watched eagerly as they locked lips.

Tamsin knew she never would've done this, had the situation been any different, but still, that moment was burned into her memory.

In the beginning she didn't quite understand it. She came into Bo's life to bring her down, do her job and suddenly those feelings happened, feelings she couldn't grasp.

She tried her hardest not to like the succubus, she knew it would make her mission unnecessarily hard.

Shortly after that first kiss Lauren had given them an antidote and they had gone back to their normal selves. While Dyson and Bo acted like nothing ever happened, Tamsin couldn't shake the memory, the feeling of that kiss off. From then on Tamsin started noticing little things about Bo, things she never deemed important before. The way her muscles flexed when she played pool, the way her speech became slightly slurred when she had one too many drinks, or that dorky smile that appeared on her face every time Kenzi made a joke. She noticed that genuine, loyal brown of Bo's eyes and her hair that was flowing over her shoulders like a deep, dark ocean. She noticed so many things and every one of them drew her more to succubus, slowly starting to shatter her resistance.

Their second kiss wasn't meant to be anything more than a feed. They had been searching for Kenzi who had been kidnapped by a kitsune. Tamsin was the only one who believed Bo's claims that Kenzi was missing, that the young girl in their midst was an impersonation and not Bo's best friend.

Ever since their little game of spin the bottle Tamsin had tried to keep her distance. She made every effort to suppress her feelings for the succubus before they had a chance to grow.

But when she found out, that Bo had been locked up, by her family, her friends and her _girlfriend_ no less, she knew she had to do something. Her mind told her to stay away, to let Bo solve her problem on her own, to not let herself get even more attached, she couldn't.

She freed Bo from her cage, used her powers on Dyson to help them escape and soon they found themselves on their journey to save Kenzi.

When they were wandering through the woods and Bo almost broke down from exhaustion, Tamsin had no choice but to let her feed off of her.

The feeling was...amazing. She had felt her power leave her body and transfer into Bo's. She had expected it to be painful, draining, she was sure it would leave her tired and spent, but it wasn't. After that kiss ended, she was feeling high, her body was tingling as if a thousand bolts of lightning were jumping over her skin and her blood was pumping through her veins like burning liquid. She felt like she could run a marathon and then some.

Tamsin knew it was just a feed, nothing more, yet she couldn't help but notice that her feelings for the succubus were intensifying even more after that. She felt pulled towards her more than ever before and it was getting near impossible to keep away now.

Not long after that incident, Tamsin accompanied Bo on her trip to Brazenwood to pay her debt to a Dark Fae they had met in a bar shortly before.

That place had felt wrong to her. She had the feeling something bad would happen the second they stepped through that gate. And yet she went. She went even though her gut told her not to, she went, because she knew it would be dangerous and Bo was a Baby Fae after all. She would have never forgiven herself if anything ever happened to that succubus.

When Bo had to duel Whitman, or better two Whitmans, Tamsin was scared shitless. Even though she would never admit that aloud. Not even with three bottles of pure vodka down. Never.

Two men, two guns against one succubus with nothing but a knife. There was nothing fair about it. Things involving Dark Fae never were and Tamsin never cared, but this time was different. This time it wasn't about a random Fae, or a low human. Not even about herself. It was about Bo. And Tamsin would be damned if she let anything happen to her.

She surged forward to get to Bo's side, to help her in every way possible, only to be grabbed around the throat by one of Whitman's men. She tried to wrench free, but his grip was to tied. She thought about using her power of doubt on Whitman, but she didn't know who was the real one, and even if she did, she couldn't establish eye contact with them. There was nothing she could do. Her hands were tied.

She kept her eyes fixed on Bo, willing her to make the right decision, to win. She watched as Bo locked eyes with her enemies, trying to identify the real one. Tamsin heard steps coming from behind Bo, but she couldn't move her head to look. She had a feeling the succubus was walking right into a trap.

Then in the blink of an eye, Bo's head tilted slightly, Tamsin held her breath and suddenly, in one fluid motion, Bo turned around and threw her knife at the person behind her. It turned out to be the real version of Whitman, having tried to fool Bo all along.

Tamsin felt the grip of her captor loosen slightly and she broke free running towards the succubus.

"I did it!" Bo shouted before Tamsin's lips crashed into hers.

She had no idea what prompted her to do such a thing, all she knew was that feeling of sudden relief and joy about washed over her willing her body to move, before her mind couldn't even think about what she was doing. As soon as their lips were touching Tamsin felt like never pulling away. She relished in the feeling of soft warmth and her body started tingling once again, like a soft summer breeze caressing her.

She was cupping Bo's cheeks, holding her in place and soon she felt the succubus' hands rest tentatively on her shoulders.

Tamsin felt elated. She was engrossed in that kiss, feeling more alive than ever before. And she had been on this earth for a very long time. Too long, she often thought. But not right now. Right now she was glad to have lived as long as she did, glad to have met Bo, glad to have her close. Even if it was just for this moment.

Speaking of this moment, it ended abruptly and too soon for Tamsin's liking, when the man who had held Hannah, the girl they were here to rescue, raised her arm and hollered something about a winner. She pulled away and looked to the ground, embarrassed and afraid to look into Bo's eyes, scared of what she might see in them.

After that events over events happened. Tamsin found out that Bo was the one she was supposed to bring to the Wanderer, the succubus went through her dawning and was left by her girlfriend who then proceeded to run of with a mad scientist, not knowing what she was getting into.

'As always,' Tamsin thought. She never was very fond of Lauren. Which may or may not have something to do with every one's favorite succubus.

Tamsin was battling more and more with herself. She knew defying the Wanderer could very well be the last thing she would do, but her feelings for Bo were now stronger than ever, burning bright as the sun shortly before a supernova. She didn't want to betray her, but she was scared. As she had always been.

Never before had she felt the need to look out for somebody other than herself. She knew how to keep going, how to do her job. She was a Valkyrie. Always had been. She sought out, she took, she delivered. Until Bo.

It was maddening. One day she wanted to hand Bo over, be done with the job and get on with her life, leave this town and the 'Happy Sunshine Gang' behind. But she knew she would regret it. Bo was her chance to break out of that cycle. With Bo she knew, she could be more than just a collector of souls. She could live, truly live. Live like no Valkyrie had ever done before her.

When Dyson was kidnapped by the mad scientist's men, Bo and Tamsin set out to find him.

They were standing outside his compound, talking about how to get inside when a guardsman appeared and lifted his gun at Bo.  
Tamsin saw red. The thought of losing Bo, the thought of her dying was crushing her. She couldn't let that happen. She couldn't.

He fired and before she could even think about what was happening, what she was doing, she had already pushed Bo out of the way and taken the bullet for her.

Pain was surging through her body like the most aggressive poison. She felt like she would pass out any second now.

The man advanced at the succubus and Tamsin, who felt the need to protect her at any cost, used the last bit of her strength to inflict doubt upon him, taking him down in the process.

She looked at Bo. She seemed safe now. The pain was so strong that it was numbing the Valkyrie's body and her mind. She couldn't stay conscious any longer and let the black could engulf her. Passed out, she dropped onto the ground.

When she woke up, she found herself lying on Bo's couch at the clubhouse. She felt weak, weaker than ever before. She was at the end of her life cycle.

She had successfully ignored that thought for quite a while now, but that bullet showed her the brutal reality. There would not be much time left until she would be reborn.

They went to Massimo to get something that would strengthen them up. She hated that druid, but she had to admit, the boy had skills. He slipped her the potion that should weaken Bo. The potion she had collected the ingredients for in the past few weeks. The potion that could be her chance to finish her mission.

And once again she started to doubt herself. Did she want to take Bo down? Should she have taken the potion?

She didn't know what to do. She didn't.

A few hours later, after having been imprisoned by Taft -that was the crazy doctor's name- and escaping their cells, they found themselves in an empty operating room.

They were alone.

Tamsin knew if she wanted to take Bo down she had to do it now. If she didn't, she was certain that she could never bring herself to do it.

She started taunting her, trying to convince herself that what she was doing was best.

"I always knew you would betray me," Bo said, a tinge of disappointment in her voice. A sting of pain surged through Tamsin's heart. Hearing the succubus say those words hurt more than anything she'd ever felt. Apparently Bo had never trusted her, but how could she, if the Valkyrie didn't even trust herself?

She threw the potion at Bo and felt a slight relief when it showed that it didn't work. She didn't want to hurt her. But it was too late to go back now, because Bo was right, she had betrayed her.

Soon they were clawing at each other, throwing kicks and punches, each trying to win the upper hand.

Tamsin attempted to use her power on Bo, but she was weak, too weak and it didn't take long until the succubus had gripped her and started sucking her life force out of her.

This was nothing like the feed in the woods a few weeks prior. This was angry, draining, with the intention to hurt.

It took all she had to break free and push Bo to the ground, but she knew she wouldn't be able to fight any longer. She felt exhausted, she felt done. Bo was young, she was strong, still pumped from her dawning, but Tamsin was dying and it showed.

Only a few hits later, Tamsin was lying on the ground with Bo leaning over her, eyes flashing in a dangerous blue color. She didn't expect her to drop her, to stop fighting ad when she did, Tamsin was desperate.

She had regretted betraying Bo the second they started fighting, but she knew the only way to get out of it now was if one of them were to die.

"Come on," she shouted, "finish it!"

And she wanted her to. She wanted it to end, to stop this madness. If Bo killed her now, there wouldn't be any debt left to pay to the Wanderer, if Bo killed her now, all this confusion, this whole internal battle would stop. It would all stop.

"No." Bo said, releasing her, "You can stop too."

"Shut up!" Tamsin hissed, surging forward and pressing a circular blade against the other woman's throat. She wanted all of this to be over, she wanted Bo to stop talking, to stop igniting that tiny flicker of hope inside of her.

But Bo never did what anyone else wanted her to and this time was no different. She kept talking insistently to her, kept trying to convince her that she had a choice.

But did she really?  
She was as good as dead, what kind of a choice would a dead woman be left with?

So she told her. "I'm already dead," she said.

Bo being Bo didn't give up, she never did.

"You are more alive than anyone I have ever met," she reassured Tamsin and looking into her eyes, the Valkyrie knew she meant it. Bo had never been a liar.

That was the last straw. Bo finally managed to break through to her. She never doubted what she was doing more than in this exact moment.

"I don't know what to do," she cried, tears stinging in her eyes. It was too much, all that confusion, all that internal discord that had started building it's home inside her over the last few weeks, all that started to break her. She had never been more insecure, more unsure than right now.

Bo answered the question Tamsin had been asking herself for so long now, "Fight!"

And for the first time the Valkyrie knew what she had to do.

She would fight. But she wouldn't fight Bo, she wouldn't fight herself anymore, she wouldn't fight her feelings any more. She would fight the Wanderer. She would protect Bo.

She was at the end of her life cycle, she didn't have much time left. But she would spend that time doing the right thing, for herself and for others.

She let her weapon fall to the ground and threw her arms around Bo, sobbing into her neck, letting all those pent up feelings finally pour out of her. She felt the succubus stroking her hair softly, whispering calming words and in that moment she knew she had made the right decision.

Because Bo was there to save her, and she always would be.

Not even the Wanderer could scare her now.


End file.
